I had fun trying out this personals dating thing. I got so carried away that I even signed up for one of those hot wives website I heard about in one of the adult chat rooms I was in the other day. Ladies I am telling ‘ya: it’s one helluva fun thing, considering all the flirting you can do online. Maybe it’s only a first-timer thing, but I felt all tingly all over when I immediately received messages from the male site members. They were all hitting on me the cyber way, so to speak, and I’ve got no complains to that! They were generally shy—manly, beat-around-the-bush types and of course naughty on the side, but still dominantly shy.
Yeah, you guessed it: it’s just like high school. I even thought I might have posted an overly conservative profile photo, but then I figured a spaghetti-strap top partly showing my 35-B cleavage and a profile that says I’m one of them hot wives who love the missionary and doggie-style bed positions don’t exactly spell “wholesome.” Ha-ha!
So, the guys. I mean, the messages. LOL! For the sake of sharing I’d like to tell a little about three of them, those that stuck to mind the moment I read their messages. One called himself husband_4_you. An American who supposedly grew up in Paris, began a family in the US and is now divorced after 13 years of marriage. Said he’d been divorced for over three years now and his ex-wife had been absolutely fine with him dating other women since. Hence, the “countless ladies I dated after my wife but never really clicked with” reply, closing with the question, “You think you might be the one whom I can spend fun, romance and loving times with?” Sounds so cheesy, but très romantique!
Next one was 29-year old Henry Jake, with profile nickname henryjake69. Now I naturally grinned at the sight of his nick—because male wit is always smart and dirty—and after a couple of replies his profile seemed to have been justified: He was a former dildo model in Manhattan. Remember, ladies, tingly. He’s currently on a vacation in a nearby town… Then I asked him if he was only teasing women with his “career”—because it’s definitely working—and he replied: “Would you like an personalized, autographed sample?” Two hours later I was re-ordering my schedule for the next five days to accommodate one quick trip…
Third one’s a yuppie. A 25-year old, “Chinese-American junior advertising executive with a thing for moms.” Nicknamed “brainiac.” I never thought dating profiles could be so professional and dirty at the same time. But apparently they can. And cute, too! Brainiac stands 5′9″, loves cars and sports, and wants to “fling with cheating housewives.” Children can so be so cute with the way they form sentences! Hmm… well I’ve always wondered how these fair-skinned chinky-eyed guys treat the ladies, and yuppie wants to know more about his second home country and “older American housewives,” so…
Well, anyway, I haven’t thrown back replies to any of these guys yet—everyone of them wants to go out with me already. I don’t really like being confused and pressured, so how about I go out with each of them and have an exciting series of, um, taste tests? Zai jian!
— Monique
